I kicked infertility's a##!

My blog for the last year and a half has been focused on my journey through infertility. I'm ecstatic to write an entry that now talks about BEYOND infertility. Funny though, I've started writing this entry a dozen times and always stop myself because I still have trouble believing this real. Is this really happening to me? Over 7 years of infertility struggles and I'm really having a baby? Now I'm officially in my 9th month and I finally feel ready to share this experience.

Let's rewind back to August 2014. Infertility cycle number 12. I'm exhausted, on high doses of steroids causing me to be 40lbs heavier then my normal weight, injecting myself several times a day with hormones, depressed, and ready to give up. Dallas and I decided to do 2 more rounds of treatments before re evaluating our situation and deciding what our next step would be. Even my doctor was so vested in these cycles that he actually called me daily from his family vacation to go over my lab work and follicle sizes and adjust my meds accordingly. Even though there was an on call doctor covering for him, he insisted on following my cycle personally. We made it to IUI #12 and the procedure went routinely as they typically did. Now we wait...

August 26th 2014, Zac Brown concert with my bestest friend Stacey. Lots of fun, lots of tailgating, and yes, lots of coronas! I got home late and Dallas is waiting up for me. It's time, I've put it off long enough due to fear of yet another negative pregnancy test. I reluctantly agree, take the test, and head for the bathroom. I come out crying, not because it's negative, but because it's positive! Sadly, the first thing that came to my head was "I can't handle a fourth miscarriage". I've had 3 prior miscarriages, each one harder and more complicated then the previous one. We've made it to the first step. I'm pregnant, now what do we do???

That first trimester was HELL! I cried all the time, I was so scared that I'd suffer another terrible loss and I couldn't focus on anything else. I couldn't even take a moment in that first trimester to sit down and enjoy it. My previous miscarriages had stolen that opportunity from me. The pregnancy did start as twins, but very early on "baby b" vanished. They call it vanishing twin and my doctor tells me it's more common then people think, but because only infertility women have very early ultrasounds (starting at 7 weeks) we see that twin on ultrasound. Typically by 10 weeks when women start having ultrasounds that twin is already vanished and you're never the wiser. But that was ok, I just kept focusing my positive energy and thought towards that sweet "baby a". My doctor was so wonderful that first trimester and had me scheduled for either an appointment or an ultrasound every week until I was 14 weeks, then he saw me biweekly until week 20. Thankfully, we were able to start hearing the babies heartbeat on Doppler by week 8, so every appointment did wonders to calm my nerves.

Second trimester was better and this is the farthest we've ever made it. I started feeling flutters at week 18, and nothing can make it more real in my mind. I remember laying there and just laughing every time I felt the baby move. At first I couldn't decide if it was gas, or baby! My doctor assured me that it was baby. Now my belly is starting to expand to accommodate this growing life inside me. I'm more relaxed and less exhausted. I'm actually starting to enjoy myself! 20 week ultrasound, time to find out the sex of the baby! Dallas couldn't be at the ultrasound due to him being in Texas for work, but we were able to face time during it so he could still be with us. It was so amazing to me that this 20 week baby that's moving and yawning and playing with it's toes is actually inside me! We had them put the gender in an envelope so we could open it when dallas was physically with us. Few days before Christmas we opened it and GIRL!!!!

Third trimester and I finally feel like this is real! Silly, I know since I've seen her numerous times, heard her heartbeat dozens of times, and now feel her all day (and night) everyday. My stomach is quite large and I feel like an alien is pushing through my abdomen most days. I love it! I couldn't be more blessed or overcome with happiness. Everyone says this 9th month will be the longest month and I'll just be over being pregnant, but I haven't reached that point. Currently Im enjoying every second of it since quite honestly dallas and I don't know what the future holds. This may be our one and only baby together and if this is the last time I'm ever pregnant, I want to enjoy it as long as possible. I lay there for hours at night feeling my skin rolling because her shoulder is sticking out on my left side or her feet are poking through my right side. My stomach is rolling from side to side as I sit here and write. This is quite honestly the most amazing experience of my life.

These last 9 months have flown by. I've been blessed with a smooth pregnancy. I've not had any nausea or vomiting, I've only gained 6lbs, I've got no stretch marks, and I have an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness all the time. We can't wait to meet our little Olive Anne-Kent Roberts. So here I sit, thinking back on my journey through infertility. It's not been easy, it's tested me to the max. There were days I thought I'd never survive it. I did it though, I kicked infertility's ass! With the help of my amazing husband, step daughter, family, and friends I came out on the other side of infertility stronger then I've ever been before. our lives are about to change in a HUGE way, stay tuned for what happens next.

This has been my journey through infertility, stay tuned for the beyond!